I’m not sure how this is supposed to start, but I know how I want it to end…
I’m not sure how this all works…
I’m not sure how this all works, or how this should start, but I assume an introduction is minimally in order. Before I get started, I’d like to preface whatever this is by stating that I’m going to try to maintain some sort of anonymity while sharing some of the most intimate parts of my life. I’m a thirty something man living in the North Eastern corner of the United States. My marital status is something that we’ll dive into shortly, but just know that I am contractually bound to one person, and falling madly in love with another. I assure you that I’m not the asshole that the previous statement implies. Like anything in anyone’s life, it’s complicated, but not really that complicated at all.
I now know what it feels like to die…
My marriage ended at 5 o’clock on a Sunday morning. While sleeping on the couch with my younger daughter, I woke up to knock on my door. I looked out the window to find a very attractive but sad looking young woman standing on my steps. I open the door, and before I can say anything she asks, “Is your wife…?” Half asleep I reply, “I’m sorry, can I help you.” She pauses for a moment, and then proceeds to tell me that I probably think that my wife is at work, but that she is actually at her house with her husband. She continues, informing me of my wife’s work schedule and how she has been working a significant amount of overtime on the overnight shift, off and on over the past two years. In this moment I’m stuck. This stranger is standing on my front steps confirming what I already knew. My wife had been having an affair with this stranger’s husband for the past two years. The stranger pulls her phone from her pocket and begins to show me videos. The first video is of my wife completely naked walking around her house, turning off the light. The next video she pulled up on her phone hurt in ways that I didn’t know were possible. You see, knowing is one thing. It brought feelings of sadness across me that I cannot explain. Seeing them in the act was completely different. I now know what it feels like to die. It’s a level of emotional pain that my therapist would later explain as being second only to the death of a child.
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